COVID-19 & Staying Healthy
Steps to Prevent Illness, the best way to prevent illness is to avoid being exposed to COVID-19 and to follow these steps from the CDC.
(This is just for humor, please take real steps to stay safe!)
Watch for SYMPTOMS:
Reported illnesses have ranged from mild to severe symptoms.
The following symptoms may appear 2-14 days after exposure.
Penis Shrinkage is the
first sign that you have COVID-19!
(It might also just mean that you need to turn the heat up because it is too cold?)
TAKE STEPS TO PROTECT YOURSELF
1.) Stop Randomly Licking Strangers!
This should be done whenever you a out grocery shopping, rioting for toilet paper or looting at Walmart since they are most likely the cause of this due to the fact that most of their products come from China, no proof to this, but it does make sense!
2.) Stop Throwing Tinder/Grinder Parties!
If you do however decide to continue with this, make sure to follow federal guidelines and only invite 10 people! (Including yourself!) And for everyone’s safety, please make sure to have lots of sanitizer on-hand! Plus, this should go without having to be said, but also make sure to have plenty of condoms and lube available for your guests!
3.) Stop Hanging Out With Children!
They are all simply little germ infested carbon based lifeforms and are making this situation worse! So tell them to grow up and do their own cooking, laundry and that it is time that babies learn how to change their own diapers! Back in my day we had jobs in factories by the time we were 3 months old! Kids nowadays… Sorry, I got off track!
4.) Stop Bathing and Showering!
We need that water and soap to better wash our hands! You will get used to the smell after some time! Just pretend that we are back in the days of life in the woods and cabins with no indoor plumbing! (Still that way in some areas of Colorado and Montana and in the Southern states, especially Florida!)
5.) Start Utilizing the Internet!
You better start looking up recipes for the best ways to cook whatever pets that you might have since we are currently having food supply issues and you might need to have something to eat! Hey! I heard that cat tastes just like chicken!
6.) Start Saving Up!
You need to save ALL newspapers, magazines, junk mail, anything that you can! Since over 80% of our paper products, like toilet paper, comes from China, you are going to have to start going old style like the days of the out-house and the Sears catalog! And if you get desperate, you can always use leaves, just be cautious of poison ivy!
7.) The MOST IMPORTANT ONE!
They are saying: “Do Your Part; Stay Apart!” This really means NO SEX! It has nothing to do with “social distancing”! To help prevent the spread of COVID-19 we all need to stop having sex for at least 60 days! Studies have found that the virus can stay alive longer when it has pheromones and endorphins in the sweat! (Both are created during “love making”.) We know this will be hard, but we have faith in you!
That is it for now,
just remember to Always Stay Safe!
Please Remember, This Information Is Intended
For Entertainment Purposes Only!
For REAL information on how to protect yourself and others, visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s official website.